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| So much personality! |
Cosette can be very independent and willful at times. One way that she likes to assert herself is by refusing to hold our hands. She has always been like this. I thought it was a bit odd when she was a baby and didn't want to practice standing on my lap (she would go limp instead) or walking around while we held her hand. Oh, no. She has always wanted to do it her own way at her own pace.
That was fine with me, at least for a while. As a result, it took her a little longer to learn how to do physical things like stand, crawl, and walk. But again, that's fine with me.
But now the problem is that she'll be 18 months on Saturday, and I feel like I shouldn't have to carry her around everywhere. It's hurting my back, and I don't think it's good for her, either.
I especially want her to be able to walk from the house to the car and vice versa (this would be especially great when I'm trying to carry a bunch of groceries and don't want to make multiple trips up and down several flights of stairs). I'm even ok if we take a long time and stop to pet the neighbor's cat or play with rocks or sticks for a minute. I would just appreciate if she would stay near me and move generally in the right direction. Am I expecting too much?
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| I let Cosette play in our parking lot in the rain, and now I'm having a hard time helping her understand that she has to stay with Mommy when we're in a parking lot. |
Here are some of the things I've tried:
- She seems to do a little better when I hold both hands and pick her up and swing her every few steps, but this gets tiring, I can't carry anything else while I'm doing it, and she still gets tired of it.
- I try to make it a game and get her to chase me or find me, but she's more interested in running away from me instead.
- I give her verbal guidance and encourage her to walk with me without holding my hand. This will sometimes work for a few steps, but she often tries to wander off and I turn her back around and redirect her, which prompts a meltdown.
- I'll walk behind her with my hands on her back to guide her. She seems to mind this less than me holding her hand or arm, but she still doesn't like it and will try to get away after a few steps.
- I have not tried one of those baby backpack leashes, but I don't think it would be much better. I'm getting to the point where I'll probably have to at least try it, though (I never thought I'd have to - I always thought they were so silly and a little demeaning).
- Do any of you have any other ideas/methods?
Am I trying to teach her this skill too soon after she's learned how to walk? Should I continue to carry her around everywhere (this includes inside, too, like carrying her to get a diaper changed or to brush her teeth)? Or have I made the problem worse by catering to her too long already? (I'm guessing the answer to that question is yes)
What can I do at this point? Has anyone else dealt with this problem? Read any good books? Please, post a comment - I need help!
4 comments:
Christine, you haven't done anything wrong. My kids all had different ideas of how they wanted to do this, so it really comes down to their personality. Madeline held my hand so much that one time, in a book store, I let go and someone came between us. She was 2 feet away, but screamed bloody murder and the whole store stopped and turned to look. Audrey, on the other hand, ran away every chance she got, hid in clothes racks in the store, almost got hit by cars, etc and didn't like me to hold her hand. Keep trying. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. You could try a "leash" that is just soft and goes around her wrist and yours with only a short distance between you. I didn't like leashes either, until I lost a kid at Sea World. Scary! If you want to really drill it, you could pick a day where you can be very flexible with your schedule, then try some outings. Explain the rules - walk by mommy or hold her hand, and if she doesn't, have a consequence, like going back to the house or car and sitting in a time out. Or if she has a favorite toy with her, you take it away, etc. Or, have a reward at the end if she cooperates - something she would love, like playing in the sand at the park. You may have to do it several times for her to get the message (this is why you have to have a flexible schedule). Because it is about her safety, she really needs to learn it (the best she will, if she is head strong). good luck! I have four head strong children and some days it drives me crazy - they always know more than me, you know. Keep trying. And, not to sound preachy, but I love a quote from Elder Oaks about how parenting, of all things, is something Heavenly Father wants to help us with and we can always ask Him for help, so praying for a solution may also help. It has helped me, when I remember to do it. He wants her to be safe too. :)
You are doing a fantastic job! Caitlyn was the same way with not standing on our lap and walking late. We ended up calling Early Intervention because she wasn't hitting her milestones--this was the BEST decision we could have made! With the help of a physical therapist, Caitlyn learned to crawl, then walk and then run.(Sure, it took her until 17 months. Hehe.) One of the things we worked on was going outside, holding hands and doing "commands" together. It took a few weeks, but I think because someone BESIDES mommy was telling her what to do, it make the world of difference. :) Otherwise, just understand that she is 18months and strong willed--it will pass. :) Hang in there. You and Jeff are doing a great job! -Jessica
You aren't expecting too much. You want your child to be safe, and you also want her to learn the skills she needs to be independent and able to interact the best way possible with the world around her. Calling Early Intervention is a REALLY good idea (don't be scared, or think that it's because something is "wrong" with your child - not true!). If they're able to meet with you and Cosette, at the very least they would have some great tips/advice for you. They'll also be able to tell more if she's just strong-willed like you think, or if maybe it's because physical things like walking are still very hard for her and maybe something as simple as some core muscle strengthening exercises could make a big difference. Rachel also hit it right on. There have been many times when I've been at a complete loss of what to do with/for a child, especially my oldest, and after praying and really pondering the situation, a solution I never would have thought of on my own just "comes to me." You're doing a great job, Christine. Hope you've had a fabulous trip in Oregon, and I'll talk to you soon!
The funny thing is, I still don't like holding your hand, and I'm a teen now!
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