The Saga of the Sweater

I have simple tastes when it comes to clothes. I'm not big into fashion or designer labels, and I enjoy wearing the same clothes for a decade or longer. I still have some clothes and shoes from elementary school.
I like having a few simple cardigans as part of my wardrobe. They can be either button-up or have a zipper. I usually like to have three: black, white, and cream/tan. They help me to expand my wardrobe in the winter, because I can still wear a short-sleeved shirt with the cardigan on top. They also help me stay warm, providing an extra layer of clothing so I don't have to wear my coat all day (I get cold really easily).
Well, the white sweater that I currently have is comfortable but a little thin and see-through, and doesn't provide much warmth. So I don't wear it very often. I have now stained my cream colored sweater multiple times and it's starting to look kind of ratty. This left my black sweater, which I wore all the time - up until a few weeks ago, that is.
That was when I noticed that I had a hole in the elbow of my sweater. Sometimes I'll still wear clothes when they have small holes or stains, but this hole is pretty noticable.
It's been really difficult not having a cardigan to wear. So for the past few weeks, as we've been out Christmas shopping, I've been looking for a replacement sweater. I especially want a black one, but I wouldn't mind getting a cream or white one as well.
I had NO IDEA that it would be so difficult to find a simple cardigan! I've run into the following problems in my search:
Hoodies (I want it to be nicer, something I can wear to church)
Shawls
Really big necks
Ties that go around the bottom (what do I need them for)
Too short (I want it to cover the shirt I'm wearing underneath)
Too long (looks more like a coat - not what I'm looking for)
Buttons that only go halfway
Writing or designs (I want a solid color)
Too big (is it too much to ask that it be in my size?)
Too tight (the sleeves of the shirt underneath would look bunchy)

Am I being too picky? I just want a simple, solid colored sweater to wear over my clothes. It should be long enough to cover my shirt, but not so long that it looks like a small dress. It can be either button-up or have a zipper. I don't want anything fancy or super fashionable - just a simple cardigan! Apparently, I am asking for the impossible. And any time I find something that comes close, they don't have it in my size.
I'm open to ideas, if you have any. But I don't want to order anything off of the Internet - I want to be able to try it on first.