Today I'm starting to feel a bit more normal. I got to take a shower, I got a decent amount of sleep last night, and I even got a nap in this afternoon.
The past few days, though, I've kind of been in survival mode, just getting from taking care of one bodily function to the next. Her needs come first, of course. And in the time when she is sleeping during the day, I try to take care of my needs. But the time always seems to go by too quickly to get much done.
Cosette is a pretty good eater, but she is also pretty slow. Sometimes feeding her can take 2-3 hours, when we keep getting interrupted by spitting up and changing her diapers. For example, this morning we changed 3 or 4 diapers in a row, one right after the other. It was a bit hectic, messy, and time consuming. One of them was a really nasty blowout all over me, her, and the
boppy that was propping her up. (This was right after we'd already changed both wet and
poopy diapers and cleaned up some spit up, so we were just getting her into position to eat some more. Go figure.) She's still getting some
maconium out of her system, and let me tell you - that stuff stains. But we got through it, and she slept for a good 4 hours after that, giving me time to eat, shower, and take a nap.
It's been interesting learning to take care of her. I'm developing all kinds of talents:
- Changing a diaper when she's super wiggly or sleepy (both present a challenge)
- Getting her arms through the sleeves of her onesie
- Swaddling her snugly enough so that her arm can't escape
- Burping her (thanks for the help, Mom!)
- Buckling her in her car seat
- Breastfeeding - still a work in progress, but we're both getting a lot better
I'm really grateful that Cosette is such a good-natured baby. She doesn't cry without a reason, and when she does have a reason, she's been pretty easy to soothe. Plus, we're getting better at reading her cues and giving her what she needs. Right now, most of the time she's either feeding or sleeping. I realized the other day that we don't spend much time with her when she's just awake and not needing any of her needs to be met (feeding, burping, changing her diaper). I've been trying to hold her and play with her more. I'm looking forward to the next few weeks, when we will hopefully see more of her with her eyes open.
I love watching her. She is so adorable! Her hair is always sticking up all over the place. I think she looks like a rocker baby. She likes to stick her arms straight out when I'm burping her, like she's trying to fly. She makes really cute noises when she's sleeping. She smiles a lot, and I don't seem to relate it to gas or filling a diaper much (I don't care what the "experts" say).
I would have to say that the toughest time for me was Friday night. This is when Jeff got sick and couldn't be around me or the baby. It had been nice working as a team up to that point, but I realized that I would have to do it on my own. I only got 2 hours of sleep that night and was pretty drained emotionally and physically. But I learned that I had the strength and willpower to do what needed to be done and to do it on my own. It was empowering to discover this. Starting tomorrow, I will be home on my own with Cosette during the day. But I already know I'm up to the task, because I took care of her on my own from Friday night to Sunday night.
But let me tell you - I certainly love and appreciate Jeff's role as a father. He has been so wonderful and eager to help. Although he couldn't help physically while he was sick, he talked with me and read to me during long feedings so I wouldn't fall asleep. When he isn't sick, he's been great to change diapers, help me position pillows when I'm breastfeeding, feeding me snacks and getting me water when both of my hands are full of Cosette, grabbing extra burp cloths or clothing, etc. I love the way he loves Cosette and me. He has been a superman today, on fire with doing dishes, laundry, and straightening up. He's going back to work tomorrow, and he wanted to get a lot done today to help out. He's also been wonderful to let me know that it's ok if the house is a bit messy these first few weeks, and that I don't have to try to do everything on my own. He's the best!
I love being a family of 3. I look forward to the weeks and years to come.