Wanted: Help with Headstrong Toddler

So much personality!

I've run into an issue with Cosette and would love advice/ideas.  So please, post a comment!

Cosette can be very independent and willful at times.  One way that she likes to assert herself is by refusing to hold our hands.  She has always been like this.  I thought it was a bit odd when she was a baby and didn't want to practice standing on my lap (she would go limp instead) or walking around while we held her hand.  Oh, no.  She has always wanted to do it her own way at her own pace.

That was fine with me, at least for a while.  As a result, it took her a little longer to learn how to do physical things like stand, crawl, and walk.  But again, that's fine with me.

But now the problem is that she'll be 18 months on Saturday, and I feel like I shouldn't have to carry her around everywhere.  It's hurting my back, and I don't think it's good for her, either.

I especially want her to be able to walk from the house to the car and vice versa (this would be especially great when I'm trying to carry a bunch of groceries and don't want to make multiple trips up and down several flights of stairs).  I'm even ok if we take a long time and stop to pet the neighbor's cat or play with rocks or sticks for a minute.  I would just appreciate if she would stay near me and move generally in the right direction.  Am I expecting too much?

I let Cosette play in our parking lot in the rain, and now I'm having a hard time
helping her understand that she has to stay with Mommy when we're in a parking lot.

Whenever I do try to hold her hand, she squirms and cries and refuses to move.  She won't grasp my fingers at all, so I end up holding her wrist or arm.  But I feel like a bad parent, because I have to hold on pretty tight for her not to get away from me.  I don't want to hurt her or physically drag her around, but I know this is something she needs to learn how to do.  I'm still carrying her or keeping her in a stroller or shopping cart when we're in a crowd, but eventually she'll need to learn to walk with me.  And no, I'm not expecting perfection.  I know there are times when I'll have to chase her down.  But she won't walk with me at all, and that has to change.

Here are some of the things I've tried:

• She seems to do a little better when I hold both hands and pick her up and swing her every few steps, but this gets tiring, I can't carry anything else while I'm doing it, and she still gets tired of it.
• I try to make it a game and get her to chase me or find me, but she's more interested in running away from me instead.
• I give her verbal guidance and encourage her to walk with me without holding my hand.  This will sometimes work for a few steps, but she often tries to wander off and I turn her back around and redirect her, which prompts a meltdown.
• I'll walk behind her with my hands on her back to guide her.  She seems to mind this less than me holding her hand or arm, but she still doesn't like it and will try to get away after a few steps.
• I have not tried one of those baby backpack leashes, but I don't think it would be much better.  I'm getting to the point where I'll probably have to at least try it, though (I never thought I'd have to - I always thought they were so silly and a little demeaning).
• Do any of you have any other ideas/methods?

Am I trying to teach her this skill too soon after she's learned how to walk?  Should I continue to carry her around everywhere (this includes inside, too, like carrying her to get a diaper changed or to brush her teeth)?  Or have I made the problem worse by catering to her too long already? (I'm guessing the answer to that question is yes)

What can I do at this point?  Has anyone else dealt with this problem?  Read any good books?  Please, post a comment - I need help!

Some of Cosette's First Words

Here is a cute video of Cosette saying some of her first words.  She is often really chatty in the evenings and this was one of the first times that she would repeat the words that we said. Well, except for one word, Mommy.  Sometimes Cosette will switch syllables when saying Mommy and Daddy, and say Meema, and Deeda.  So when I try to get her to say Mommy we tried several variations before she finally said Mommy when we weren't encouraging her.

Playing in the Rain

Here are some fun pictures I took when I let Cosette play in the rain.  At this point it wasn't raining very hard anymore, but there were still drips of water coming off of the carport roof.  She got soaking wet and was very happy.

Hiking

We had a long weekend for Pioneer Day, so we decided to go hiking as a family.  We went on a hike up in Little Cottonwood Canyon: Mill B South, for anyone who's interested.  Very short, but a good test run to see how Cosette would do.  It was the first time we took Cosette hiking, and she did great!  Thanks, Kelli, for the backpack.

Cosette spent a lot of time sucking her thumb and enjoying the view 

Our family, happy hikers

Cosette enjoyed getting out of the backpack and exploring her surroundings

She had a lot of fun watching the water

Video of Cosette walking

As promised, here is a short video of Cosette walking.  It's funny how my voice sounds different in video than in real life.   Enjoy.

Discovery Gateway Children's Museum

On Wednesday I took Cosette to the Discovery Gateway Children's Museum in Salt Lake City.  For those of you unfamiliar with it, it's one of those hands-on learning centers for kids.  We decided to go because my sister Suzanne was taking her kids and I thought it would be fun to meet up with them.  I'm really glad we went, because Cosette had a lot of fun.
We started at an exhibit with plastic balls.  There were all kinds of bins and tubes to put the balls in, but Cosette mostly just wanted to carry the balls around.

Playing with balls

We spent most of our time in a small section made just for children under 3.  It was less chaotic and less busy than the other areas of the museum, which was nice.  Cosette's favorite thing was climbing up and down the stairs and slides (wide metal slabs on a shallow incline).

Queen of the castle

Fun on the slide

Climbing up the slide

Here's a video of Cosette on the slide.  I think she's looking so grown-up all of a sudden.  When did that happen?

 

Cosette also played with a push toy, but she didn't know how to use it.  I thought it was so funny watching her try to figure out what is was for.  She never did get it right, but she still had fun playing with it.  At one point she was standing up, but she held on to the wrong end!  What a cutie.

What is this thing for?

Is it a back scratcher?

Does it go on my head?

We also spent a few minutes playing in a water area.  Cosette had a hard time reaching over the side to get to the water, but she still had a fun time.

Playing with water

Here's a video of Cosette playing with the water. As you'll see, she decided that she didn't need to wear the water proof smock. It was way too big for her, anyway.

With Aunt Suzanne

With Mommy

Thanks, Suzanne, for inviting us to join you.  I'm thinking we might buy a membership there when Cosette is a little older and can appreciate more of the exhibits.  We'll definitely go back sometime.

Playing in the sand

We have a playground in our complex with sand/gravel.  Cosette LOVES to play in the sand.  She's definitely not afraid of getting dirty!  Here are some pictures and a video I took about a month ago.

It's always "fun" changing her diaper after she plays in the sand...  But her happiness makes the mess worth it.  I'm glad she gets so much joy and pleasure out of playing outside.